Thin-skinned. Overreactive. Sensitive.
Guilty as charged. In more ways than one.
Backtrack with me, if you will. It is no secret. I love the warm. The warmest part of Spring, the hot, hot of Summer, and the warmest part of Autumn. Anything less than the warmest is my second choice.
I will not complain about the heat. I like it. I will complaint about the cold. I do not like it. Turn off the air conditioner. Give me the muggy.
But with the heat comes the bugs. Flies. Mosquitos. Spiders. And multi-legged muchness. The world of Entomology comes alive when the weather heats up.
Here is a little scientific factoid about insects They have mouths, and other protrusions. Which means they bite and sting.
Okay… now back to my very first sentence here. Thin-skinned. Overreactive. Sensitive. And THAT is me. Give me a bug bite, and I’ll show you a war wound.
It does not matter the time of day. It also does not matter if I am by my lonesome, or with 50 other skin-bearing people. The insects find me. It is like I have a bug-bullseye painted on my belly. I could dip myself in a vat of liquid DEET, and they would still seek me out.
So. They find me. They bite me. And I have a big reaction. It never fails.
But I am sort of like that with other things. Most medications drop me of the edge of the earth. Chemicals. Smells. And on. It is like I have no immunity against any of it. (Which actually may be part of the problem.)
Nonetheless. Yesterday, we had the two youngest grandkids over. We were all out by the pool, swimming and playing. Something bit me, and my entire arm started stinging. It was akin to being in the ocean and getting stung by a jellyfish or something. Except that I was in Camden, Ohio, and sitting on dry land. Go figure.
My hand blew up like a balloon. At this moment, my swollen clunky fingers are hitting multiple keys as I type. dshfaksf] eoiehd akjhadsf h ‘afdha
See what I mean?
So why bring any of this up? It is simply a minor annoyance really.
Well. I bring it up because it is a bigger part of me. It is in my core. I am no longer speaking to the physicality of it. Now I reference that which is driven by emotion, intellect, and spiritually.
I’m oversensitive to the things people say and do. Sometimes I overthink it “right” but other times, I get it “wrong.” I may not show an overreaction on the outside, but boy oh boy… do I EVER have one on the inside. I wear my heart on my sleeve. The bullseye on my belly. The swelling in my heart.
It is akin to being in the ocean and getting stung by a jellyfish or something. Except that I am in Camden, Ohio, and my heart is sitting with me on dry land.
So yes. I swell up on the inside.
I’m still trying to work through this one. It has been with me a lifetime. Same with getting bit by real insects… like spiders. BUT. There is no emotional vat of DEET at this juncture in time.
So until there is, I guess I’ll try to treat people with love, and respect, and goodness. And hope for the same to come right back to me. And if it doesn’t quite work out that way, I’ll just have to deal with the swelling. Which eventually… will go away with time.
It is the best I can do.
All we really can do…. is the best we can do. Really.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. — Newton’s Third Law of Motion
“The battle you are going through is not fueled by the words or actions of others; it is fueled by the mind that gives it importance.”
― Shannon L. Alder
“Sometimes I think,
I need a spare heart to feel
all the things I feel.”
― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos